Lovino's Smile
by isthereanyothernames
Summary: It's Lovino's birthday! Only thing is...He's not at the party. Antonio goes out to find his little tomato and talk with him. Aaagh, Summaries are hard. But anyway... if you're lookin' for FEELS then they're right here!


**Hello! Apologies for not writing in foreeeever! Highschool is haaaard! But here's a little feely thing I wrote with Antonio~. Enjoy! HETALIA ISN'T MINE IT BELONGS TO THE AMAZING HIMARUYA!**

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Antonio Carriedo Fernandez chuckled as he leaned against the counter, a drink in his hand. The room around him held many others who had gathered for this day. There was smiling faces all around as each of the others chatted, ate, and drank together. It made the Spaniard happy to watch everyone joyously be together.

"Toni…Toni!"

Antonio snapped out of his thoughts and looked around for the source of the voice that had just called out him. His eyes landed on his albino, German friend, Gilbert Belschmidt. The other raised a questioning eyebrow at him, tilting his head slightly to the side.

"You finally out of your daydream?" He asked.

"Eh?" Antonio furrowed his brows, then relaxed as realization dawned on him. He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "Ah, yes. I must've zoned out while watching everyone. Lo siento, Gil."

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "It's fine." He huffed. "But you missed out on what the awesome me had to say! And that's a big loss on your part."

Antonio chuckled again, shrugging. "Ah, well. Maybe you can tell me it later, si?"

"Ja, ja. Maybe." He snickered. "At least Francis got to hear. He got to share in the awesomeness of me!"

"If you call your bird pulling a sock two inches across the floor 'awesome', then alright," Another man stepped up beside Gilbert. Long, dirty-blond hair draped around his face, reaching just to his shoulders. His almost violet eyes held a smirking look in them as he addressed the other. "Though Gilbert, perhaps I was only listening to you because with Toni dazed out over here, you wouldn't have any friends to chat with. We all know what that would lead to, non?"

"Hey!" Gilbert jabbed. "I have friends! And at least _my_ friends don't have ridiculous eyebrows!"

"Oh, mon ami, let us not make fun of Anglenterre's brows. You know how fussy he is about that."

"His temper's just as bad as his cooking."

That remark got the three men laughing. A light feeling filled Antonio as he watched his two friends joke and poke fun at one another. He couldn't help but smile. It was times like these he really missed; the times where he hung out with his friends without a care in the world. Unfortunately, he hadn't been able to see them in quite some times since his work had been so busy. That, and something had recently happened that left Antonio with almost no time to freely spend and enjoy. So times where he was able to get together with Gilbert, Francis, or really anyone were ones he treasured.

"So, Toni," Francis addressed. "How have you been holding up?"

"Eh? Oh, fine."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," Antonio answered. "Why?"

"No reason." The Frenchman waved him off. "Just wanted to check in. Feliciano had asked me earlier to ask you. He wants to know how you're doing and all."

"Oh," Antonio glanced around the room, his eyes landing on the young Italian, who sat in a lounge chair and joyfully chatted with Ludwig as usual. His eyes caught Antonio's for a split second. He smiled at him, showing the Spaniard that childish grin. It was a beautiful smile, though Antonio had seen one of someone he knew that could easily put Feli's to shame. "Tell him I'm doing alright. It's been a little hard with today coming up and all, but it'll all be okay."

Francis nodded and glanced over at Gilbert. His eyes widened, then turned to an annoyed glare as he watched the albino snatch five powdered sugar cookies and stuff them into his mouth believing nobody was looking.

"Gilbert you look like you've murdered a snowman." He said blatantly.

"Bmpf thmph som goomph!" Gilbert answered back, crumbs and cookie dropping from his mouth.

Francis put a hand to his head as he shook it with disapproval. "Sometimes I wonder why I let myself be seen with you in public."

Antonio chuckled, clapping a hand on Francis' shoulder. The two men shared a laugh and headed over toward their chowing friend.

Even with all the laughter and beaming faces, something didn't feel right with Antonio. There was a cold space of coldness in the warmth he felt. Something felt lost… Like someone was missing from this 's eyes flew wide. _Of course!_ He thought. _What's the point of having a celebration when the person celebrated isn't even here?!_ "Hey, guys… I'm going to be right back."

"Eh?" Gilbert turned to the Spaniard questioningly. "What for?"

Antonio smiled. "To get Lovino, of course!"

The German's brows furrowed and he looked about to say something, but seemed to decide against it. His expression relaxed and he nodded. "Alright. Catch you later?"

"Si, definitely." Antonio headed out of the house, walking down the small, dirt path that began in the side of his yard and lead out to a beautiful field of green grass. The weather outside was beautiful; not a cloud in the sky and the sun shining brightly over him. He sighed to himself and continued down the path, brushing his fingers along the tall grass he walked past. He contemplated on what he would say to Lovino, he didn't know what state their relationship was in right now. Was the moody Italian still upset with him? Antonio had apologized over and over, sometimes ending up in tears when he still received no response from the brunette. Perhaps Lovino had forgiven him, but never said anything about it. Maybe. If that was the case, the only question left was if Antonio had forgiven himself.

Further down he walked, taking in his surroundings as he did. The scenery was indeed simply gorgeous. He understood why Lovino always came here when he needed to clear his head. He was almost where he would meet the other. It wouldn't be much longer until he arrived at the main spot. He dearly hoped his nerves wouldn't keep him from saying what he needed. He bent over and plucked a daffodil from one of the small patches that were littered throughout the grass. He sniffed the flower and then held it close to his chest. It smelled wonderful. Yes. Lovino would like it. He continued.

Finally, he stopped. He had arrived where he needed to be. He could see Lovino, the other's back facing him. It took his breath away. _Alright…Here goes nothing._

"Hey, Lovino."

Antonio cleared his throat immediately after the words left his mouth. They sounded so dry and nervous. After a couple swallows and a deep breath, he spoke again.

"It's a lovely day, don't you think?" He rubbed his arm with his free hand absentmindedly. "It's nice and warm out here, but not too warm, y'know? Not the kind of warm that makes you miserable and sweaty and grouchy and—" He stopped himself, grimacing on how poorly he was starting this off. "A-Anyway, uh, how are you doing? Good, I hope?" He smiled slightly. "The view out here is stunning, don't you think? It's a good place to come out and clear your head from all the hustle and bustle this world gives you. It gives you a peaceful feeling, like you've escaped into a completely different world. Away from your troubles. Away from the stress of life. I see why you've always liked it out here."

"You know, though, as great as it is out here, you should really join us back in the house. Everyone is there; Francis, Gilbert, Ludwig, Alfred, Feliciano, and everybody else. It's kinda loud, but there's laughter everywhere and they even all brought homemade treats and snacks with them. You'd be surprised by how good Gilbert can bake! Even Arthur brought food, but…I advise you don't take one of his, er, scones, I believe he said they were. I think Alfred was dared to try one and almost passed out, the poor guy." Antonio chuckled quietly to himself.

"Also, there's a lot of gifts for you, too. We've all promised not to open even one until you come. Also…" He paused. "Although the party's been great and all, it's still not the same without you inside. We need all your sarcastic comments. All your snide grins or terrible jokes that always make us laugh so hard we clutch our sides. Haah…I miss that…" Antonio stopped and glanced down at the flower still in his hand. He clutched it a little more secure as his throat tightened slightly. He swallowed.

"I miss you."

His voice caught and he quickly swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. He couldn't get emotional already, he was only just beginning what he had to say.

"It's lonely when you're not around. The house is a lot quieter without you in it. Sometimes I forget that you're not there and I go into your room to wake you up but…well, you aren't there. Sometimes I also make meals for two when there just needs to be one." He looked down. "I hope you aren't as alone as I am. I-I mean, I'm not physically alone; I always have Gil and Francis around. Feliciano also stops by to check on me, too. I like seeing them, and I smile and chat with them like…like nothing's changed at all. But when they leave…I…" He stopped there, shaking his head. "Well, let's just say that it's hard, really hard, at times."

"Another thing I wanted to say was that…that I'm sorry." This was it. This is what he wanted to get to. He had to stay strong for this. "I'm so, so sorry, Lovi. I will never forgive myself for that day. If I hadn't have made you upset, if I hadn't have pushed you, you wouldn't have gone out and if that had never happened then you wouldn't have gone out in the street a-and the car…" Antonio choked on an unexpected sob. Bringing his hand over his mouth, he shut his eyes tightly as they began to sting with unshed tears. "I-I'm so sorry, Lovino… I'm so, so sorry… It's all my fault. It's…all my fault you're not here. That you aren't here today…your birthday." He sniffed and took a moment to regain his composure. He lifted his head and reached out, placing the daffodil on the ground in front of him. He then brushed his hand against the cool surface of the stone tablet in front of him. "Oh, Lovino… I'd give anything to hold you in my arms just one last time. I'd do anything to run my fingers through your soft, brown hair, to hear your usual complaints, to simply see you again…" He lets out a quiet laugh. "I told myself I wouldn't get so emotional. Guess I failed that, huh? But then again, I was never good about holding in my emotions like you, Lovi. Though…that always worried me, because I knew it wasn't good for you to keep it all bottled up. I guess I can't change that now. I'm getting better, though; at moving on, I mean. I'm back at work and just…moving on with daily life. That's what you would've wanted, right? It's hard, and sometimes I find myself falling, but…I'm going to keep trying. For you, Lovino."

The Spaniard smiled sadly and slowly rose to his feet. "I've got to go for now, the others are waiting for me to return back to the house. I'll visit you again soon, okay? Stay well wherever you a. And…" He patted the top of the grave lightly, a tear trickling down his face. "Happy birthday, mi pequeño tomate."

Antonio rose slowly to his feet and turned around. Before he took a step forward, he turned his head, wanting just one, last look. His eyes widen as there he sees a thin, brown-haired boy with a curled hair on the top right of his head. He couldn't believe his eyes as the boy's golden eyes locked with his green. Then something beautiful happened.

The boy smiled.

It was the most beautiful smile Antonio had ever seen, and he had definitely seen plenty of pretty grins. No. This one was different. It was…magical. Even that couldn't describe the beauty. Antonio's eyes spilled over with tears, yet his mouth formed into a smile to match the boy's.

"Lovino…"

The boy said nothing to Antonio, but reached down and picked up the flower that laid in front of the grave. He glanced back at Antonio, grinning. His mouth opened and moved, and although no words were heard, the message was clear.

"Thank you."

Lovino then began to fade, soon becoming transparent. He still smiled at Antonio, even as he disappeared, leaving the daffodil to drop silently back to the ground. Antonio wiped away the tears that had flowed in an attempt to dry off his face, but more continued to wet it. It didn't matter. He didn't care if he returned to the party wet-faced and puffy-eyed. He felt lifted; light. The burden of guilt that had plagued him and had weighed him down had been lifted. It was gone. Lovino's smile had taken it away. He chuckled, then began to laugh. A lighthearted, happy laugh. Happiness he hadn't truly felt in a long time. He turned again, heading back to the party. His steps were livelier, but how could they not be? Things were brighter. Happier. Better.

All because of Lovino's smile.

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 **A/N: Ah, well, that was fun! Btw, Mi Pequeno (Insert right marking for that "n") tomate means "My little tomato" just in case you didn't know.**

 **So...yeah. That's about it for this. Hope you liked it! Reviews are appreciated as well as constructive criticism! Just as long as you don't try to destroy me in flames. ^^" Thanks for reading!**


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